The next cycle
The last months have seen me working toward a specific goal. And I was fortunately able to reach that goal and end that part of my life. My BSc is in the bag. The official status is as of yet still undetermined, but it’s in the bag.
This coincided with another change in my life.
I lost my job, a part time something I only used to cover my rent, but still a place I have spent 7 years of my life.
I have been going to school pretty much full time as far back as I can remember (excluding my gap year) and I have had a job besides that since about . . . 14. A paper route. That’s the last 15 years. I still go to school, as I still have a Master to finish. But I haven’t gotten a new job yet.
It’s an odd experience. It feels like the end of an era, though of course it is not nearly that impressive. I have been experiencing an odd feeling and have been unable to get much in the way of inspiration to finish what still needs to be finished. Things still get done, as a matter of fact I have finished 2 more courses required for my diploma, leaving only 2 and the final thesis work (for which I may have a proper offer btw, I may write something about it after the 2nd meeting this Wednesday), but I am not really feeling the drive.
It’s probably something to do with having been driven so hard for the last 6 months. I have been unable to support a base of social activities outside of school to the level I really want and being this close to leaving to Korea I haven’t felt like making any new starts. The initial drive gone and the time-filler of the job gone, this has left me in a sort of still water. Adventure and wild seas are just on the horizon, but for now things are quite stagnant. I’m not sure I’m enjoying the experience much. But, like stated above, change is on the horizon. Moving to Korea will be an adventure in itself. The thesis work looks to be exciting and rewarding. Leaving friends will be painful and making new ones will be interesting. It’s just the time waiting for it is awkward to fill. I am stuck between one cycle of life and waiting for the next to begin.
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Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting
- John Russel
Interestingly, you wrote something very similar, although in a very different tone, 2 years ago : http://wallynes.muppets.ws/2007/07/03/intermission/
I hope the next cycle will come soon.
I aslo hope you will manage either to put to good use this hiatus (usually a good time to think about life) or to fill the void with more fun, shorter but meaningful tiny cycles. Pole dancing seemed to work last time.
Japan was an intermission/gap year. It took place within a cycle. At the end of it I would go back to my life, back to school, back to my job and back to my home and continue as before
Now I’ve left my work and I’ll leave all the others behind soon enough. There is no going back this time either. Not really at least. Even if I do return to Holland for an extended period of time, home and work will be something completely different and school a thing of the past.
Last time I still had exams to finish, but if I would fail they’d still be there when I got back. Pressure was lower. Japan was something set, nothing I did could really muck up getting once I was in. I have yet to get a solid offer for final thesis work in Korea, only some vague plans exist till now.
Both were periods of stillness between momentous events, true enough. But other than that there’s nothing much similar to these two periods.