“So how do you feel?”
I got asked this the other day.
“About what?”
“You know, life”
In the history of vague and broad questions. Questions that require several days to elaborate on, this one ranks high.
I suppose he could have meant my life. But in translation this was lost and I couldn’t help but wander down the thoughtpath that I will write down here.
Life, certainly my life, is good.
Or is it. Within my own life I can point out what ails. My current concussion foremost, though, that’s a temporary inconvenience at most. Or at least, lets hope so, the after effects can be quite extensive and they get more likely if you’ve had more. Certainly, if you are on Concussion #10 one should start taking more care than usual.
Life in Japan, certainly it is exciting and great to see so much newness. And you won’t actively hear me complaining about it. Heck, I can easily detach myself far enough to see how lucky I am to be here. Yet, I miss my friends. I have not succeeded in making any true friends here. Just some people I hang out with from time to time whose name I remember. Vaguely(As a side note i should mention I’m in Japan, noone here called John. Watanabe just doesn’t quite stick in there by itself. And seriously, is every girl here named something-ko?).
Haven’t graduated yet. That’s starting to be annoying. Not nearly as annoying as working from 9-5 I am finding out. But still . . . Don’t suppose there’s a third option. Well, I have the rest of “not being graduated” to work on that.
So my life is good. If I can only list minor annoyances of what is wrong with my life. . . Well, great. Making a mental list just now the good things about my life far outweigh those minor things. Although, I suppose I should mention 1 other annoyance. Seriously, does my girlfriend HAVE to live that far away. Geez.
So, what could it be he was refering to. Life in General? Life for others? Life on this earth? Geez, there’s so much to contemplate.
Life on this earth is pretty much fucked up I have to say. There is so much more wrong with it than a mere concussion. Even if considered in combination with being far away from friends.
Wars, famine, natural disaster, stupidity, global warming, inflation, racial and religious violence. The list is endless.
And then on a more personal level, One can have: Job stress, skin problems, relationship problems, obesity, supermarket being out of your fav cookies, aging, your future, life, the universe, everything. Again, a fairly long list.
It was at this point, my brain diving further into each of these options that I broke off the thought. The entire process had taken 0.2 seconds.
I’m quite sure he was only asking how I was. And I’m quite sure I don’t want to think about life in terms of what is wrong with it. I want to think about the good things.
So
How do you feel?
about life?
How do I feel?
Yesterday I spent the evening eating and chatting and drinking with a bunch of Japanese girls, one of whom in particular is very pretty (small-frame, great hair, big eyes, high cheekbones, interesting features, expressive face, immaculate skin, the whole deal.) Since we were, among other things, drinking to my birthday the topic of age came in the conversation.
The girl looks like a very well-preserved 24-year-old who managed to go through life without ever encountering pollution, caffeine, sunburns or trans fats. She has less wrinkles than me for fuck’s sake.
She is 36.
So this morning when I woke up and had a look in the mirror, I felt pretty damn old. I mean, sure I have been going through years of enriching experiences, started realizing I am responsible for my life and taking actions accordingly, I pay my bills and work 9-5 and subscribe to my own health insurance and take care of my chores, but it had never struck me that I could ever get old – that I was getting old.
Then I started chatting with you and the feeling vanished.
i feel good
I feel good as well.
Raphaelle you don’t look nearly as old as me. And you have paleness in you favour overthere.